Only The Sangfroid

Mark is of fair average intelligence, who is neither perverse, nor morbid or suspicious of mind, nor avid for scandal. He does live in an ivory tower.

These are his draft thoughts…

I’m walking a line – I hate to be dreaming in motion… 5 video games which need to be films

I wonder why it’s so difficult to make great films based on video games.  People keep insisting that video games are ever so artistic, and that they’ve got solid plots, stories, and character development.  And, yet, we see movie after movie based on video games which lack any sort of depth or interest.

In the meantime, here are five video games that I think should be turned into movies.

1. Patapon

Patapon is the story of a tribe of creatures, the Patapon, who are guided by their god through a sacred pair of drums.  They must fight back to regain control of their world to the ceaseless beating of the drums.

Potential cast: Jason Momoa, Will.I.Am, Madeline Zima.

2. Banjo Kazooie

Banjo Kazooie is the story of a bear who keeps a bird in a backpack.  They team up to fight the utilitarian Gruntilda who has decided the sacrifice of Banjo’s younger sister will bring about the greatest happiness for the greatest number of people (by becoming smoking hot).

Potential cast: John Goodman, Shia LaBeouf, Danny DeVito (as Mumbo), and Noomi Rapace.

3. Guitar Hero

A young artist who only knows five notes must defeat Satan in a music competition.

Potential cast: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewert

4. Robot Unicorn Attack

A robot unicorn must run through a canyon of floating rocks, guided by flying dolphins, in order to live in harmony (harmony) always.

Potential stars: Sarah Jessica Parker.

5. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

Shut your pie holes.  This would be awesome.

4,000 years before Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker, a young man awakes with amnesia aboard a star ship in a galaxy rocked by war.  A Sith Lord, Revan, and his apprentice Malak, (both former Jedi) have uncovered a terrifying ancient weapon: the Star Forge.  With it, they have launched an attack on the Republic.  Following Malak’s betrayal, Revan has vanished — presumed dead.  The hero discovers that he has the ability to sense the Force, and must work out what happened to Revan in order to confront Malak.

Potential stars: Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the lead Jedi, Zooey Deschanel as Mission Vao, Robert Picardo as HK-47.  Juhani would not appear in this film.

(Note, I was going to suggest Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (with Neil Patrick Harris as Miles Edgeworth, but it appears that they’re already making a film based on the game…)

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