While I’m on a roll, here’s what a compassionate response to the Syrian migrant crisis looks like:

I, Mark Fletcher, the High Emperor of the Markocratic Empire of Oceania, make the following announcement with regard to the Syrian migrant crisis currently facing Europe.

First, on behalf of the government, I am sincerely sorry for the slow response to the issue.  Children should not have to drown before the international community responds to these crises.  Children should not have to drown before the international community provides a durable solution to these crises.  Children should not have to drown before we notice them.

It has been four years.  We should have done something sooner.

The situation is now at breaking point and it is now up to countries to ensure that the Syrian people are protected from the belligerents in the civil war.

With assistance from the UNHCR and IOM, the Markocratic Empire of Oceania will immediately take 5,000 internally displaced people from Syria directly.  These are people whom the international community should not forget and who will become tomorrow’s refugee if they are not given safe alternatives.

For every eight refugees resettled by Turkey and given full migrant rights, the Markocratic Empire of Oceania will resettle one refugee.  Similarly, for every six refugees resettled by Germany and given full migrant rights, the Markocratic Empire of Oceania will resettle one refugee.  The Markocratic Empire of Oceania calls on other countries to make similar commitments to assist resettlement countries, and to encourage resettlement countries to accept more refugees.

Further, for every three refugees resettled in the European Union, the Markocratic Empire of Oceania will fund the resettlement of one refugee within the Asia Pacific region.  Wealthy countries have a moral obligation to assist other countries to be part of international solutions to humanitarian crises.

Countries should resist the temptation to put ‘caps’ on their generosity.  Instead, we should work together to make sure every Syrian refugee has a durable resettlement option.

Further, the Markocratic Empire of Oceania will propose a new convention to extend the definition of a refugee to include internally displaced people who are displaced by reason of civil war.  For too long, we have seen the devastating effects of civil war upon innocent civilians whose homes, properties, and families are destroyed. Extending the definition of a refugee is the most appropriate, moral, and humane way to ensure that somebody throws these people a lifeline and a way to safety.

Big Brother loves you.  Peace out.